Its ROCKTOBER *devil horns*, the one month in the year where avid rockers and groupies alike attempt to enlighten themselves and others in the way of rock by rocking out to the max.

This isn't the Sixties, where rocking out came hand in hand with bare-breasted hippy girls named Moonflower. The Noughties have been tainted with the poison known as Hip-hop, and rocking out has been made difficult for even the most die-hard of headbangers.

I have searched through my many fan letters to find questions posed by my loyal viewers, asking for advice on how to rock out this Rocktober *devil horns*. The following is a compilation of those questions, and a guide to rocking out which has been scientifically proven to improve rocking out by 20% and decrease signs of poserism in two weeks.


Who can rock out?

You are never to young to start rocking out and you are never too old to keep rocking.
 

Bands like the Rolling Stones have been rocking out since your parents were young enough to be hip, yet even today they manage to draw in crowds which pack entire stadiums, arenas, and (in the case of Brazil) beaches. Their music is as popular today, as it was those dark years before the advent of internet.

It also doesn't matter what race you are or what God you foolishly worship, because unlike some inferior versions the holy spirit of rock accepts all cultures (except those blasphemous Hip-hop ones).


How do I look like a rocker?

Its not enough just to have the rocking spirit inside you to rock out, one must be fully kitted out with the rock look and rock accessories to rock out to the max during ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

1) Aquire a bandshirt, the more awesome the band the more awesome your rocking out will be.


A good band shirt is the easiest way to infuse yourself with rockitude. My American Indian forefathers, the Mohicans, would wear band-shirts to infuse themselves with the the spirit of their favorite bands before heading off into battle. This is why the Mohicans were such revered warriors, until the white man came across the sea, he brought us pain and misery.

2) Aquire a rock do, the crazier the hair the crazier your rocking out will be.



 This isn't as hard as it seems, because the formulae for a rocking hairstyle is quite simple. Contrary to popular belief, there are only THREE different styles of rocking hair - and to get the myriad of numbers of styles we see our modern rock heroes adorning, we need only mix and match these three Primary Rock Hairstyles.

3) Aquire a sleeve, the more epic the tattoos the more epic your rocking out will be.


Pink = Unacceptable
Skulls are encouraged.

I look like an awesome rocker, but I just can't seem to get my rock up. Help me Simmy.


Firstly make sure you are making your devil horns properly. You don't want to be rocking out all over the place only to find out next month that you were doing it wrong infront of all your friends.




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So what are you waiting for you rock-starved mosh-monkies, get out there and get rocking this ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

To encourage rocking out during this holy month, I shall immortalize to any reader who leaves a comment with a link to a picture or video which shows them rocking out, by making a comic with them in it. At the end of the month if there are any I shall put them in a post, and link whore them. DOO IT!