Its ROCKTOBER *devil horns*, the one month in the year where avid rockers and groupies alike attempt to enlighten themselves and others in the way of rock by rocking out to the max.

This isn't the Sixties, where rocking out came hand in hand with bare-breasted hippy girls named Moonflower. The Noughties have been tainted with the poison known as Hip-hop, and rocking out has been made difficult for even the most die-hard of headbangers.

I have searched through my many fan letters to find questions posed by my loyal viewers, asking for advice on how to rock out this Rocktober *devil horns*. The following is a compilation of those questions, and a guide to rocking out which has been scientifically proven to improve rocking out by 20% and decrease signs of poserism in two weeks.


Who can rock out?

You are never to young to start rocking out and you are never too old to keep rocking.
 

Bands like the Rolling Stones have been rocking out since your parents were young enough to be hip, yet even today they manage to draw in crowds which pack entire stadiums, arenas, and (in the case of Brazil) beaches. Their music is as popular today, as it was those dark years before the advent of internet.

It also doesn't matter what race you are or what God you foolishly worship, because unlike some inferior versions the holy spirit of rock accepts all cultures (except those blasphemous Hip-hop ones).


How do I look like a rocker?

Its not enough just to have the rocking spirit inside you to rock out, one must be fully kitted out with the rock look and rock accessories to rock out to the max during ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

1) Aquire a bandshirt, the more awesome the band the more awesome your rocking out will be.


A good band shirt is the easiest way to infuse yourself with rockitude. My American Indian forefathers, the Mohicans, would wear band-shirts to infuse themselves with the the spirit of their favorite bands before heading off into battle. This is why the Mohicans were such revered warriors, until the white man came across the sea, he brought us pain and misery.

2) Aquire a rock do, the crazier the hair the crazier your rocking out will be.



 This isn't as hard as it seems, because the formulae for a rocking hairstyle is quite simple. Contrary to popular belief, there are only THREE different styles of rocking hair - and to get the myriad of numbers of styles we see our modern rock heroes adorning, we need only mix and match these three Primary Rock Hairstyles.

3) Aquire a sleeve, the more epic the tattoos the more epic your rocking out will be.


Pink = Unacceptable
Skulls are encouraged.

I look like an awesome rocker, but I just can't seem to get my rock up. Help me Simmy.


Firstly make sure you are making your devil horns properly. You don't want to be rocking out all over the place only to find out next month that you were doing it wrong infront of all your friends.




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So what are you waiting for you rock-starved mosh-monkies, get out there and get rocking this ROCKTOBER *devil horns*.

To encourage rocking out during this holy month, I shall immortalize to any reader who leaves a comment with a link to a picture or video which shows them rocking out, by making a comic with them in it. At the end of the month if there are any I shall put them in a post, and link whore them. DOO IT!

Its been two weeks since I sat that satanic piece of examination known as the BioSci 106 Mid Semester Test. This test was evil and it obviously had it in for me from the get go (yes, I am anthropomorphising a piece of paper! shh). I spent the weeks after sitting the test stressed about what the outcomes could be, a fail being on the top of the list. I just got my result back, and it wasn't half bad. Really, I gave myself an ulcer for nothing.

I've got another set of exams coming up, and this time around I am prepared not to be stressed. I'm going to try and stick to a plan which comes in 7 steps, and I've written them down for the benefit of any netizens reading this blog who also happen to be stressed students losing hair over exams:

1) Study, Study, Chillax
The first thing I recommend is that you study for your exam. The more revised you are on the topics, the less you will stress about not knowing enough. Start at least 2 weeks before the exam, and give yourself at least 1 hour and 20 minutes each week night and 3 hours on a weekend to study.

Studies show that the average human maintains optimum attention for only 40 minutes. This means you should be studying in 40 minute blocks, with breaks in between.

2) Brainstorm with friends.
Before the exam go to a park with your friends, sit in a circle (the shape isn't actually crucial) , and discuss areas you are having difficulties with. Bounce questions off each others heads, and I bet you that the areas where you were drawing blanks a friend will be able to help fill.

Brainstorming with friends is also a great way to add a friendly spin to what is usually a daunting task: studying.

3)Catch some zZZs
Sleep well two nights before your exam, and the night before your exam. Its a little known fact that your energy levels are highly effected by the sleep you received from two nights before. Its also a good idea not to go out to town and get on the piss the night before. Contrary to popular belief, attempting an exam hungover doesn't help you.


Getting good amounts of sleep will also lower the likely hood of getting colon cancer, and just knowing that is bound to lower your stress levels.

4) If studying fails, guess!
The only way I could have passed my 106 test was with pure awesomeness in the form of great educated guesses. If you come to a question you don't know take a note from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: When all other possibilities are eliminated, the answer is what you are left with. Look at all the possible answers to a multiple choice question, remove the answers which are silly, then the ones which are unlikely, then make a toss up between what ever is left. Elementary my dear reader.

Don't get into thinking that there are patterns in the answer keys....
...The probability of a computer randomising the answer keys into a smiley face is almost non-existent (although I swear I've had a Psychology exam key in the shape of a boat).



5) Don't fire blanks.
There is a reason that you are advised not to leave blanks in your tests, because it screws you up. The examiner will look over your exam script and see how many blanks you have left and from this (no matter how unfairly) they will place a bias on the rest of your marking. In an examiner's mind the more blanks you leave the less study and effort you put in, so they will be less likely to show you leniency on the marks that they would otherwise be leaning towards giving to you.

Also very few exams mark you down for wrong answer, so chucking in a key word or two can't harm you. In my BioSci 106 exam when ever a blank came up I would consult a pre-determined list of key words and chuck it in the blank space for safety (ATP and NADH are my favorites).

6) The exam is over when time is up.
After every exam there will be people who find their friends, and demand to go over answers with them. For these people I would like to remind them this: When the exam is over its over- there is no point in going over the exam. Unless you have a time machine in your garage you can't go back in time and change your answers.

Also it just adds to the already stressful life you have as a student. Your friend Timmy will tell you that he Q3 he got (A) for , and you will shit yourself because you got (E) . Most likely Timmy is stupid (statistically speaking Timmys aren't very bright), so basing your predicted results on his would make you stupid.

7) Reward yourself.
You have survived yet another exams without suffering a heart attack, this feat alone deserves a reward. Do what ever it is you do for fun, and savour it because you might need to draw on the memory of this good moment when you are about to open your exam results in a few weeks time.

There they are in their listy glory, 7 ways to beat exam stress. Hopefully I'll take my own advice with the upcoming exams, because frankly I don't want to lose my luscious head of hair over them.