In 24 days time the citizens and voting illegal-aliens of America will elect to office the person who will lead them, and the rest of the world through the next four years.There are three candidates who each have a good shot at becoming the President of the United States of America. Barrack Obama, John McCain, and Sarah Palin.

You might be thinking: "Simmy, Sarah Palin ain't running for President, John McCain is". Thats true enough but let me take you through some MATHS.

He is running on fumes and living on borrowed time my friends, and when he dies from over excitement or finally succumbs to his face cancer- Sarah Palin becomes the first hockey mom to rule the free world , dont'cha know?

Watching Sarah Palin talk, with those lucious lips of hers, at the Republican convention, in various interviews, and in the Vice Presidential debates, I was left thinking these three things:

1) Sarah Palin has the most annoying voice ever given a microphone. She would have to be the successful result of an experiment in trying to cross breed a chalk-board with a dying cat.

2) She is dumber than a pile of sticks, except where the pile of sticks have the potential of becoming a bright flame - she has the potential of fucking up even more.

When asked by Katie Couric "Have you ever been involved in any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?", Palin's reply was:

"We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state."

Does she really think that Vladimr Putin is some sort of evil boogie man that sneaks across the Alaskan border to steal ...caribou for his evil army of Communists or something?!?! This guy is Time Magazine's Man of the Year 2007, hes not stupid enough to take Russia down that path again when they are just starting to recover their superpower position. But I forget, you don't read.

3) John McCain was obviously trying to pick up disenfranchised female Clinton supporters by picking a woman, but it kind of backfired when he insulted their intelligence by picking the least qualified Republican female he could.

The men on the other hand, love Palin. One thing that shes got going for her is that shes pretty hot, like librarian hot, and as we all know thats the hottest kind of hot that you can find. Shes pretty darn yum for a mum. Shes definately a HMILF: a Hockey Mom I'd Like to Fornicate.

I'm not saying a woman cannot be the leader of the country which directly/indirectly controls the world. I'd happily bow down to the mights of such political Amazons as Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi or Martha Stewart. I'd just prefer that the person who had control of 1/3 of the worlds nuclear arsenal did not think that they could see Russia from their house or that man and dinosaurs existed at the same time when the world was created some 6000 years ago.


The whole idea that she can (and definately will if John McCain gets elected) be president scares the hell out of me, it also scares the living bejeesus out of one of my favorite actors, Matt Damon.

"You do the actuary* tables, you know, there's a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn't survive his first term, and it'll be President Palin. And it really, you know, was talking about it earlier, it's like a really bad Disney movie. You know, the hockey mom, you know, "I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska," and she's the president. And it's like she's facing down Vladimir Putin and you know, using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink, you know, it's just absurd. It's totally absurd, and I don't understand why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is."

 *an actuary works for insurance companies to find the statistics on how long a person will live, to see whether they are worth insuring . <--- An example of me targetting the lowest common denominator.
  
After the interview he reitterated that he was indeed Matt Damon by saying: "[stupidly] Mmmaaattt Dammmmmooonnnn"